Things I Never Expected Myself to Do

I cannot speak for my mom, but I am almost certain that if you asked her, she would express some level of surprise that the painfully shy daughter who used to read in a closet has to date stepped off of planes completely alone in four new countries and not had a complete meltdown.  While I have had my fair share of fit-throwing, fear, complaining, and panic attacks, somehow none of these moves has ever felt like and earth-shattering reach for me.  The book lover in me has always wanted adventure, but at my own pace.  I realized that once I took the dive, it never really felt like a dive.  Everyday life in another country just becomes everyday life again, and astoundingly fast.   

The things that changed and the new things I have done have taken me by surprise, however, and they may not seem like the conventional response to living abroad, but it is my way.   I found myself talking to myself a lot lately, narrating an interview in my head, and decided to put my thoughts on digital paper in the form of a list: Things I Never Expected Myself to Do

Be assertive:  At least in this part of Kenya, being passive will not get you anywhere.  I cannot sort of suggest things that I need by saying “I’d be interested in...”.  It is important to say exactly what I need, whether it is in the office, while shopping, finding an apartment, etc, even if it makes me cringingly uncomfortable. 

Be rude--on purpose:  Sometimes you have to take it even further when you are traveling alone in an unfamiliar place.  In Guatemala I pushed my way onto busses and yelled at guys who were acting unbecoming of a young man.  I didn’t want to and it made me feel ashamed at first, but safety is foremost.  

Casually step over animal carcasses:  This one should surprise my mother the most.

Build lasting relationships:  I used to think it wasn’t possible to make friendships in as short as 6 months or a year that would last.  I especially didn’t think I would be able to make friendships with local people who are used to seeing white people roll through their town on volunteer trips over and over again (relevant in Guatemala).  However, I still communicate with people from Guatemala and have plenty of friends in Kenya. 

Worry less about friendships:  I can spend days alone without FOMO.  I am happy to chill with a book on a Friday night.

Say “yes”:  I used to be horrified at the prospect of attending some party or event when I didn’t know what to expect.  I’ve given myself the goal of saying yes to invitations now.  Sure, I have showed up to a few weddings dressed more like a sister wife than the rest of the glam queens in attendance, but I still had fun. 

Sit behind a desk for 8 hours: Not exactly what is expected of traveling.  Turns out I kind of like it.

Move to a place where I cannot speak the language: I spent a lot of time being appalled at volunteers who cropped up in Guatemala with no Spanish skills to speak of.  How could they expect translators to appear and people to communicate with them?  And yet here I am in Kenya, armed with “jambo” and “asante” and little more.

Allow myself totally unnecessary luxuries: Like, totally unnecessary.  I came to the realization last year that I don’t have to totally change my standard of living to be “authentic” or moral in the development field.  A few pounds of my luggage this time around went to supplies for doing my own acrylic nails and nail art, something that is weird even at home.  I like it, and it gives me something to do.  I’m going to continue. 

Eat anything put in front of me, and finish it:  With a smile.

Thoroughly enjoy “tourist crap”: For a time I thought I was too good for this.  But now?  Breakfast at a hippo pool? Yes.  Camp on a volcano? Sign me up.  Sunset cruise? I’m about it. 

Stay connected to technology:  Traveling doesn’t have to mean disconnecting, especially these days!  You are not always a “better person” for unplugging, especially when it means staying in touch with family and friends.  I invested in a wireless modem, and many people would probably describe it as my most treasured object.  My instagram is popping and I still check facebook and gmail daily.  I have a computer, tablet and two phones and I refuse to feel bad or inauthentic because of it.  When bats and cockroaches scurry around at night, I will always have my podcasts on very loudly to ensure that is all I hear.